Title: A Night on Atlantis
Rating: PG-13
by:ellymelly

Spoilers: None except presumes the season 4 universe.
Fandom: SGA
Pairing or Character: Friendhsip (john/rodney teyla/ronon sam/rodney team lorne zelenka)
Genre: Action/Adventure Humour, Fun
Warnings: Wildlife?
Disclaimer: I own N-O-T-H-I-N-G except my laptop and internet connection.
Summary: The members of the Atlantis expedition decide to spend a night on the mainland. Chaos ensues. Possible tears.

GETTING THERE

________________________

Mckay foraged through the cupboard at the back of his lab. Various items fell on his head, scruffing up his delicate layer of hair in a constant but incongruent hail. Wincing from an impact, Dr. Mckay finally found the object of his search.

“Got you now…” he muttered under his breath, digging his arms in further to clasp the object tightly. With great effort, he pulled the dusty sleeping bag free. The puffed scientist landed on his butt, his newly acquired possession in his lap.

“So that’s a ‘yes’ then?” asked Major Lorne, appearing at the doorway of Mckay’s lab. He was dressed in his jogging gear and looked as if he was on his way back from a workout with Ronon. “I have you down as a ‘maybe, possibly, if the universe doesn’t crash down around me’.”

Taking a much needed breath, Rodney laid down on the floor. An eager upside down Lorne entered his field of view.

“What’s it look like?” he replied, clutching the sleeping bag tighter.

Lorne smiled, determined not to be put off by the scientist’s token snappiness. “’Probably, likely, as long as the world doesn’t end’.”

Mckay gave a big thumbs up, and Lorne continued down the corridor at a jog.

It was a stupid idea, thought Mckay for the eighth time since he had agreed to go. A camping trip on the new planet… Surely, he reasoned, there were better ways to spend his rare bursts of free time. Indeed, he had promised himself that he would not give into John’s relentless pressuring the day Lorne was given permission to host it. He had SWORN that no amount of taunting, jeering, or threats of blackmail would induce him into undertaking three days of alien wilderness. He promised himself, despite his genetic inferior excitedly declaring that he would be going.

“Come on Rodney,” he could almost hear Zelenka’s voice, “it’ll be fun.”

“Define fun,” he had replied.

“All those stars – being out there, on another world without having to worry about the nearest life sucking alien. This is what I always dreamed of, exploring other worlds – not being stuck in this lab all the time. On the bright side, I guess it’s an alien lab…”

Not wishing to be upstaged by his junior, Rodney had almost agreed to tag along on the trip then and there, but a well timed system check of Atlantian systems had given him the perfect excuse. In fact, it wasn’t until yesterday that he had given in to Lorne’s request. The procedure went something like this:

“Stupid, ignorant, pencil pushing, no good, pack of suited, ill tempered, seriously deformed, emotionally squat –”

“Rodney?” A head peaked into Mckay’s lab and looked around. “I thought I heard ranting…”

Rodney stopped mid breath, his mouth left agape.

Samantha Carter crossed the floor and scanned the room for any sign of the missing scientist. “Oh,” she exclaimed, finding Rodney cross-legged on the floor beside an unhappy Naquada reactor. “There you are.”

“There I am,” repeated Rodney, undoing another screw on the device’s casing.

Sam sat down beside him and watched him take off the outer casing. He didn’t protest, thankful for a second pair of eyes. The truth was that he had no idea what was wrong with the stupid thing. Rumour has it that Sheppard knocked it off the table during a fire fight with a loose Wraith, rumours that had been unconvincingly denied.

“It looks pretty sick…” said Sam, seeing a black streak of residue near one of the circuit boards and a suspiciously dented rear.

Rodney sighed. “I know. Hold this.” He lifted up the reactor and gave it to her to hold while he undid the screws beneath it. “Two person job,” he muttered as the casing came away.

“Rodney?”

The scientist nodded, not looking up from the machine. This bit was particularly delicate. One slip and ‘boom’, pulverisation.

“Are you going on this thing?” she said, handing him a delicate silver tool.

‘This thing’ universally translated as ‘Lorne’s bush romp’ because that’s what it was turning into. It started with good intentions – a couple of mates forming a small camping party, and had evolved into fifty plus people lugging wood and matches for a giant bonfire night. Even though they weren’t supposed to, alcohol had been smuggled from Earth and was now packed in the sleeping bags of most of the ‘expedition’. Those who couldn’t smuggle it were busy brewing. “No, I’m busy,” he replied.

“Not any more you’re not.”

Rodney paused. “I – am … not?”

“You aren’t,” she continued. “I need you to go along with them and oversee a couple of experiments I’ve asked the new recruits to run. There’s a lot we can learn from this place. It may be our home, but it’s still an alien planet. Who knows what’s out there.”

Rodney digested this. “You want me to babysit?”

Sam smiled. “I believe the term is ‘chaperone’. Don’t fight me Rodney,” she said, gripping his arm. “You’re going and that’s that.”

“And who’s going to ‘chaperone’ me?”

The conversation ended with a shrug and a sigh.

The next morning Rodney entered his lab to find that the Naquada generator had miraculously fixed itself alongside a giant bag of marshmallows sitting on his desk. Rodney deflated – orders were orders.

Oddly, as the days had rolled on, Rodney started to quite like the thought of camping. It was one of those childhood things that he never got to participate in. If he did this, he’d be able to add at least one story to the long mission treks that didn’t involve physics – well, didn’t centre around physics.

Rodney gripped his sleeping back tightly and made his way down the corridor, hindered by a backpack at least half his height.

“Looking good,” said a passerby.

“You try looking good with a bed strapped to your back,” he muttered, irritably.

John Sheppard stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway and tilted his head to the side. “But I do…”

Rodney rolled his eyes and shifted the pack. “Oh, it’s you.”

“How’s my power-thingy?”

“The Naquada generator is recovering well. You’ll be able to knock it off another desk in no time at all.”

“Hey-”

“When do we leave?” Rodney caught the conversation before it mutated into a row.

John strutted forward as a very attractive group of female scientists shuffled past. “Now. Colonel Carter sent me here to collect you but I can see that I didn’t need to bother. Whatever she did, worked.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “I was ordered, that usually works.”

John laughed, “Hardly. I’m going to go get my stuff, meet you at the jumper bay in ten.”

*~*~*

“We’re going to crash…”

“Lighten up Mckay,” Ronon leant over and punched the scientist sharply in the arm hard enough to hurt.

Mckay rubbed the spot dramatically, squished between the luggage. “I’m telling you,” he continued, “there’s a weight limit on these things.” The puddlejumper lurched as they took off, heading toward the open ceiling and stunning blue sky. “Flying fire bomb, gin is a wonderful accelerant.”

“Nobody here drinks gin, Mckay. Just, sit quietly in the back and think happy thoughts about your experiments.”

Rodney smiled for a fraction of a second before his tummy flipped. “Oh no…”

“Mckay…”

Take two was just as shaky, but at least they were in the air. Mckay cradled the bag of delicate equipments, settling on a determined frown.

Three other jumpers cruised beside them. Make that four, as Lorne darted across Sheppard’s screen, honing in on the green speck peeking out from the ocean. Ronon laughed, pointing to the dots ducking and swooping playfully like birds playing on the wind.

The grassy landing site ended at the fringe of a subtropical jungle. Sheppard chose a free patch as close to the dangling succulent leaves as was safe and opened the back. Rodney all but tumbled out with the rest of the luggage.

“Head for the hill?” shouted Lorne, wandering past Sheppard’s open jumper.

Rodney, draped over several large hiking bags, attempted to get up to no avail. “A little help – please…” he pleaded, as his teammates successfully navigated their way over the pile and out onto the fresh grass. Teyla, after taking a moment to admire the fresh air, took pity on the scientist and pulled him free. He dusted himself off at once, attempting to regain a little bit of dignity. “Yes, well, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it Rodney.”

Lorne, still waiting for an answer, set about re-tying his mountain boots. The whole place looked like a car-park, or be it more correctly a ‘spaceport’. Though decked out in casuals, the rest of the campers arranged themselves in their exploration teams. Ahead of them was a sizable incline, concealed by the junglish foliage. According to the Atlantian files, this place was riddled with spectacular limestone caves and friendly, edible wildlife. Their excuse for this escapade, (namely, what they would put on their official reports to Stargate Command) was a faint electromagnetic reading coming from their designated campfire spot.

“Let’s head out,” Sheppard winked at Lorne, indicating that his team could go ahead and have first chop. Lorne grinned madly and waved his team on.

Rodney strapped himself into his hiking pack and then bent down to retrieve the equipment bag. This action was a mistake. The weight on his back set him off balance into a dangerous rocking motion until gravity won out and he landed in a heap on the grass.

“Come on Rodney, let’s gooo….” said Ronon, flinging the majority of the luggage effortlessly onto his back. “The sun’s not going to stay up forever.”

*~*~*

“What – is – that!” Rodney, reclined against a rock, watched an ant with uncommonly long legs crawl past. Instead of eyes it had a set of featherlike feelers wandering independently of each other and an impressive set of spikes over its abdomen.

“Would you stop fretting!” John threw a bread roll at him which Rodney caught. “This is going to kill me, that tree’s going to hunt me! Not everything in the universe is out to kill you Rodney! Can’t you just enjoy a relaxing walk in the wild? Seriously, you’re the reason Ronon’s ploughed ahead to join Lorne’s party.”

Rodney was too busy munching to care.

“Should have fed him earlier,” John sighed, collapsing back amongst the leaf litter.

Teyla smiled in her reserved way. “Rodney does have a point. Not all of the wildlife here is friendly. Like any existence, there is a delicate balance of danger present.”

“Thank you,” Rodney managed between bites. “I have a point.”

“Sheppard, come in…”

John clicked his radio on. “Go ahead, Major.”

“My team’s found a potential camping site, do you want us to start setting up or wait for you to get here?”

“Go ahead, Lorne. We’re about an hour behind you and the others even further behind us. By the time we all arrive I reckon that sun’ll be pretty low. Just save some marshmallows.”

“Will do, Colonel.”

Rodney could not help but present a frown. “I thought I had the marshmallows…”

“I gave them to Lorne,” replied John, extracting himself from the ground. “In case you needed some motivation to reach the campsite.”

“Manipulating bast-”

“Uh!” John raised a hand disapprovingly. “You know what the Colonel said, no fighting.”

Rodney mumbled to himself, “She meant with weapons.”

_______________________________________________________________________________

BLAZE OF TROUBLE

__________________________

It was a roaring blaze, almost too big for the opening that they had found nestled between buttress-rooted trees. Sizable flames licked the edges of curious leaves, drying and blackening them until they fell into the fire and rose again as a shower of sparks.

Many layers of people were reclined against the sporadic rocks, listening to the distant rumble of thunder. McKay had coaxed – well, more correctly dared a marine to climb one of the trees with his science equipment. The marine, having completed his assignment, was currently swinging haphazardly through the branches to the amusement of those below.

McKay shook his head worriedly. “This is going to end badly,” he said to Zelenka, who was busy with a burnt marshmallow.

The caramelised blackness was licked tentatively before the scruffy scientist recoiled and tried to shake it off his stick.

“And it’s going to be my fault. That’s my career right there,” he pointed to the monkey-like shadow, fumbling for a hand hold. “Right there, about to hit the ground with a thud.”

“Yick,” Zelenka tried to pull his fingers apart but they were stuck together by the remains of the marshmallow. He continued with a rant in Czech which encompassed the stick, fire, sky and stars until he was tapped on the shoulder.

Rodney McKay stared at him with a look of sheer annoyance. “English!” he said, shaking his head.

The alcohol was well underway and the sheer volume that had made it up the long hike was impressive. When they really wanted to, the Atlantis expedition could do great things.

“Need your help,” announced a voice behind Rodney. A moment later he found himself hauled to his feet by a determined set of hands and then dragged off around the fire out of sight. Rodney cried for help, but Zelenka was too busy threading another marshmallow onto his blacked stick to notice.

“Put. Me. Down.” Rodney wiggled his legs, attempting to get free of the stranger. He felt like a kid on school camp, trying to avoid the attention of the popular kids in case they decided to use him as entertainment. This felt very much like his worst fear.

“Relax Rodney,” Lorne said, trying to stop the body from struggling. “The Colonel’s got a problem he needs you to help him with.”

Rodney was released and dropped unceremoniously on the ground in front of a group of female botanists who looked rather worried and guilty.

Sheppard, tummy down on the ground, lifted his head up and waved. McKay waved back, confused until Sheppard said, “That’s not McKay, that’s a squid. How did we end up underwater?”

“Yesss…” McKay drawled out, “very helpful.” He turned his attention to the girls. “Explain.”

An adorable but currently petrified botanist with wavy auburn hair and dazzling eyes stepped forward. “It was supposed to be a joke,” she gasped, her pale hands shaking. “We didn’t think that he actually would, you know…”

“Actually what?” prompted Rodney, watching John attempt a ‘freestyle’ swim.

“We thought it was harmless,” interjected one of her friends, not game enough to step forward.

“Well, we didn’t know for sure,” the botanist continued, “but it looked as if it was closely related to an Athosian herb.” Katie, frightened by the stories she’d heard of Atlantis’s head, was trying to divulge as little as possible. “Although, some of us had concerns.”

“Concerns…”

“That it could have been the Night Herb.”

Lorne snorted with repressed laughter behind McKay’s head. They both watched as John shimmed forward to gnaw on a blade of grass.

“Damn, wish we’d brought the cameras,” he said. “This is a month’s worth of blackmail.”

“You – be quiet!” Rodney instructed fiercely. Lorne held up his arms innocently.

“Spectator only,” he reassured the scientist.

Rodney sighed at the deranged Colonel Sheppard underfoot. “You better go get the doc, Major.”

“I would,” replied Lorne, “except we didn’t bring one.”

There must have been close on a hundred people bathing in the firelight or hanging from the trees nearby. “What do you mean, there isn’t one?”

Lorne shrugged. “There isn’t one. They were all busy. I tried to get Lisa – you know, the gorgeous nurse who arrived last week, but Beckett said that he couldn’t spare anyone. Most of us know basic first aid though.”

Rodney listened to Sheppard recite the alphabet backwards. “I seriously doubt they covered this in medics 101.” He turned back to the female botanist. “You – uh…”

“Katie,” she replied, standing in front of the others in a protective manner.

“You come with me. We’re gonna take him back to the jumper and get him to Atlantis. Yeah, that’s the plan. You too Major Whatever. This is your fault as well.”

Lorne scoffed. “You want to take him back looking like that? Colonel Carter will kill us – especially you. I hear you’re her favourite and I also hear that those close to her have a tendency to die horribly.”

“Die – horribly?” Rodney gulped.

Lorne squatted down to get a better look at Sheppard. He flashed his torch over John’s eyes which were almost all iris.

“Preeeetty,” said John, trying to catch the light from the torch as it tracked over the ground.

Lorne clicked it off and John started to cry.

“Now look what you’ve done!” yelled Rodney, as John pointed at the spot where the light had been and wailed.

“No problem. All we gotta do is keep an eye on him for a few hours. This, Night Whateveryoucallit – how long’s it last?”

Katie turned to the group of girls behind and then came back with an average of their estimates. “Five to eight hours.”

“I can’t do five more minutes of this,” Rodney pointed at the hysterical John as tears rolled down his cheeks. He kept repeating, ‘the light is gone, the light is goooooooone!’ between sobs.

Lorne picked John up off the ground and turned him around so that he faced the enormous bonfire. The crying stopped immediately and was replaced with an appreciative, ‘ooooooh…’

“See,” said Lorne. “Easy. They’re like three year olds – all you’ve got to do is keep them entertained. My niece has got a couple.”

The group, including Rodney, had almost convinced themselves that this was going to be fine until John grinned evilly and launched himself at the pretty flames.

“Whoa!” Rodney, Lorne and Katie yelled in unison, leaping on top of the Colonel.

*~*~*

Teyla and Ronon sat on the other side of the fire, locked in a silent competition of ‘who could make the better spear’. It had been a popular fire-side activity in both their cultures and they were thrilled to find another individual willing to put their honour on the line to compete.

With a tree branch balanced in each of their laps, they hacked away at the wood with a sharp knife. They frowned with concentration, slashing and slicing.

“Want marshmallow?” Zelenka wandered over to them with a shredded bag housing about three puffy sweets squid-ged in the bottom. The pair ignored him as he seated himself between them.

“Good fire. I like camping,” he continued, picking up a stick from behind Ronon. Pleased with it, he proceeded to thread a marshmallow on its end and extended into the roaring blaze where it quickly caught fire and vanished. With a genuine smile, he placed the remaining marshmallows on the tips of Ronon and Teyla’s spears.

The two hunters stopped slicing and stared at each other first and then lowered their gaze to the Czech scientist humming happily.

*~*~*

Back in the city, Colonel Samantha Carter leant over the balcony, watching the very last linger of sunset fade into darkness. A chill settled as the stars popped out, showering the ocean in a soft glow. She couldn’t see the mainland from here – which was probably a good thing. It was peaceful, for a change.

Suddenly it really felt like an alien world. The way everything moved and the sounds of the air, they were different from Earth and she liked it.

There was a soft wrap on the glass doors behind her.

“What can I do for you?” she smiled as Dr. Beckett paced around the control room. He stopped and grinned warmly as she stepped back into the room and shut the Atlantian evening outside.

“Normally I wouldn’ bother you,” he began. “It’s jus’ that Sophie was in getting a shot an’ happened to mention that they’d lost contact with the science equipment sent to the mainland. She wasn’ goin’ ta mention it but I thought you should know. Probably nothing.”

Sam folder her arms over her chest, “When is it ever nothing with Rodney involved?”

“True,” he replied.

“Leave it with me, Carson. I’ll see if I can raise them on the radio.”

Posted in A Night on Atlantis, Stargate Atlantis Tagged: action/adventure, atlantis, Humour, john, John/Rodney, lorne, Mckay, rodney, sam, sam/mckay, sga, sheppard, teyla/ronon, Zelenka ]]> http://ellymellyfanfic.wordpress.com/2008/10/29/a-night-on-atlantis/feed/ 1 ellymelly [info] http://ellymellyfanfic.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/abandoned/ http://ellymellyfanfic.wordpress.com/2008/08/20/abandoned/#comments Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:40:55 +0000 ellymelly http://ellymellyfanfic.wordpress.com/?p=61 ]]>

Title: Abandoned
by: ellymelly
Rated: G
Pairing: Sam/Mckay (friendship)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Comedy
Summary: The city of Atlantis has been abandoned, its population driven out by a strange, native virus. Back on Earth, Mckay and Sam receive a distress call from the ghost city…

Chapter One: NICE TO SEE YOU TOO…

“Well, this can’t be good.”

Sam struggled through the door into the dreary room, carting several open boxes. “Hello Mckay – long time no see. How’s life?” she mocked, managing to prevent a landslide in her arms with a nifty side shuffle.

Mckay looked up, puzzled. “What, what?” he said. “Oh… yes,” he realised that this was the first time he had seen her in several months. With them it was as if they never left one another’s side. Mckay waved back. “Doing well, have a new cat – lives here with me, you?”

She lowered her gaze to the corner of the cramped office where a pair of liquid gold eyes peered back. Mckay’s cat snarled, puffing its hair up into needle like shards before stalking off amongst the debris of Mckay’s possessions. “Nice…” she muttered. “How important is that gadget you’re working on?”

The room went silent as Mckay paused, “I – why do you ask?”

“If you don’t get up here and clear some desk space for me, it’ll be your legacy.”

He was up in a flash. There were two desks in the Alien Artefact and Potential Developments Department (AAPD), both of which were hidden beneath several layers of Mckay’s muck. He had been stuck down here ever since the Atlantis base was abandoned three months ago.

Mckay stepped back and nodded at the clear space. She made a dash from the door and deposited the contents of her arms just as it slipped from her hold. Now, more than ever, the room looked like a small disaster area.

“Much better,” she cracked her elbows, reaching her arms up to the ceiling. She was dressed in a mustard overcoat and ash-gray jeans, prevented from trailing along the ground by combat boots.

“What did they get you for?”

Sam turned around and leant against the desk, facing Rodney. He looked exhausted and pale. “How do you know I didn’t ask for this post?” She lasted about a minute before his gaze cut through her. “All right,” she confessed. “It turns out that I’m more use to the Airforce down here than I am up there.” She pointed nondescriptly to the sky.

“So, not an Astronaut then…”

“No…” she replied quietly. “Something about blonds in space.”

Three days later, they were both asleep – deep rumbling snores filling the dank office. Mckay’s hand slipped off the desk and dangled awkwardly, the action dragging his head that bit further toward the edge. Sam subconsciously re-folded her arms, burring her head warmly in them. The hostile cat prowled along the edge of her desk, purposely knocking a delicate device off. The feline progressed and in an elegant jump, landed beside Mckay where it nuzzled his hair and curled up.

In another galaxy, the city of Atlantis drifted on a hazed-cloaked ocean. Smoke sat low on the water, several metres thick. Red light bounced off the atmospheric shell, obscuring the details of the city’s buildings. Everything was blurry, as if part of a dream.

A bleached skeleton lay draped over the west pier. Two clawed feet hopped along the exposed bones, surveying the ocean. The narrow throated bird fluffed its brown plumage and ducked into the body’s ribcage, protected from the salt laden wind.

It tucked its head under one of its folded wings, disturbed by a shrill sound escaping the city behind.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Chapter 2 : DOWNTOWN

The phone rang several times but remained ignored by the snoozing scientists. They had both been up past dawn, tinkering with a Tollan device found floating in space a year ago. Unfazed, their answering machine clicked on and Mckay’s crackled recording clicked over.

“If it’s not important, leave a message. If it’s vital to human survival or planetary safety – send a powerbar, flask of coffee, and – ”

“Mckay! This is my answering service too.”

“I was here first. You should get your own phone number.”

“You’ve reached Colonel Carter and Dr. Rodney Mckay, ignore him, and please leave a message.”

A harsh tone made the sleeping pair twitch.

“Ah, Sam? It’s Daniel. I’m downtown at that French coffee house you showed me last time I was here. Picked up something interesting on a recent trip. You should join me, I’ll be here all day… You sure you’re not there?”

Mckay’s cat unfurled its claws and began to kneed Mckay’s arm demandingly. The scientist felt the cold stabs of sharpened calcium dig in and draw blood.

“Ge-off,” he mumbled, unhooking the cat’s claws. The cat persisted, resuming its action with renewed determination. Mckay growled and with all his strength, lifted his from the desk. He was greeted by a world of white. It took him several moments to realise that a sheet of paper was stuck to his forehead, obscuring his view.

Conscious, he lowered his eyes and glared at the moon-eyed cat. “Might I remind you, that you’re not registered,” he hissed at it.

“Why are you even here?” said Sam, several hours later as they made their way down the busy street. It was the beginning of Autumn. There was a cruel chill tickling the turning leaves, reminding the street side trees that snow was on its way. Sam pulled her coat closed and latched it up across her chest.

Rodney trailed a step behind, glove covered hands tucked into his dark green trench coat. “I need to get out,” he explained, wishing he’d opted for a beanie.

“You’re such an arse, Mckay.” Sam prodded him sharply, almost overbalancing him. “Your sister wanted to come and see you… I don’t know why you can’t be happy that another life form elects to be in your company.”

“Apparently you do.”

“I’m paid, there’s a difference.”

“Rubbish. You love me.”

Daniel was located, nose first in a coffee mug. Catching sight of Sam stride past the glass store-front windows, he quickly set his smug down and dove into the rugged satchel beside his high-backed chair. From its depths he withdrew a field notebook and flicked to the appropriate page.

It was safe to talk in the corner he had picked out, though he was surprised to find Dr. Mckay in tow.

“Couldn’t shake him,” explained Sam, taking a seat.

Mckay frowned, “Oh how nice…”

It was tragic how they seemed to form a pair despite the time they spent loathing one another.

“No, no…” said Daniel, readjusting his glasses. “I was hoping you’d bring him along.”

“Name’s Mckay… Dr. Rodney Mckay.”

No one paid him the slightest bit of attention.

Daniel turned the diary around so that they could read the line of text his index finger ran along. Rodney frowned, ripping the book from Daniel’s grasp through Sam’s protests. He held it up to the light filtering through the glass. The string of numbers, carefully transposed by Daniel’s hand, made Rodney want to climb the tallest monument and leap off it into the freezing air.

“The – meaning – of – life…” he muttered, word by word.

“Give it here,” Sam easily snatched it from him and then held off his groping mitts with her spare hand. “It better not be 42.”

“It’s not,” he assured her. “They’re natural constants written next to a whole set of numbers I have never seen before…”

“I recognise this one,” Sam pointed to an eight digit string. Mckay nodded but secretly wondered what it meant. “Where did you get these?” asked Sam, not yet relinquishing the book.

“Hacked into a temple wall on P8X 595. The SGC unofficially wants you to take a look.”

Sam narrowed her eyes, “What’s going on, Daniel?”

“The new government thinks it’s a waste of time, but Jack wants to be sure. He thinks it could be the remnants of a new race of beings that are intelligent and, he hopes, sympathetic to our cause. We need all the help we can get now Atlantis is lost.”

“And how do you propose we investigate below radar? I mean, there’s only one gate…” Mckay held up a single finger and waved it about.

Title: A Mouse in Time
Author: ellymelly
Genre: humour, romance, deviance, crossoverish, prompt
Characters and pairing: Mcweir, Fran, Zelenka
Spoilers: Nothing specific – except a totally warped time line where Fran and Elizabeth Weir exist at the same time…
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own it all!!! … Okay, so maybe not.
Prompt words: Tardis Mice Fran
Summary: Mckay is up to something. Fran and Zelenka assist…  

Title: Mensa
Pairing: Sam/Rodney
By: ellymelly
PROMPT CHALLENGE: Mensa sam/rodney

Chapter One: Deserted

The sand reached on forever, itching its way through his socks. Miles and miles of it. Colonel Sheppard checked his watched then titled his head back to look at the sky. The sun was centred over him, despite it being three in the morning.

“Something’s definitely not right…” he muttered, ripping his left breast pocket open. Inside he fished out a small compass. He watched the delicate, red tipped point for a moment as it hovered on its liquid bed. Gradually, it began to whirl, first to the left and then a little to the right. With a sigh, he returned the useless object and instead unhooked his water flask and took a swig.

Wiping his mouth, he checked the view behind him. White sand dunes peaked in silent waves and through them a straggling trail of his footprints, winding over invisible slopes. The Stargate was almost too far away to reach. He would have to turn back within the hour if he had any intention of returning to it – the little good that would do. The DHD was unresponsive, stranding him wherever here was. He was positive that he had dialled Atlantis, but where was it?

10 000 years ago – Atlantis

“It’s going to work,” repeated Rodney, watching a couple of marines step through the wormhole. The familiar watery glow of the wormhole evaporated as Rodney pushed his chair back, hands settled on his knees. “They will place my time manipulation device on the Stargate Sheppard’s due to use, and then all we can do is wait.”

“Ten thousand years?” Lorne could not grasp that length of time, or how this plan possibly helped them. “Dr. Mckay, we’re not going to live that long.”

“Well, you might not,” said Rodney, getting up. “But some of us have a plan.”

*~*

“Red Dwarf?” Colonel Samantha Carter crossed her arms irritably in front of her some time later. She and Rodney were in his lab, standing around an Ancient piece of technology. “That’s your plan?”

“That’s my plan,” said Rodney, proudly. “What, you don’t like my plan?”

Sam ran a hand over the Ancient machine. It was tall, slender and covered in a thick layer of oily dust. “If it works -”

“When,” Rodney clarified.

“All right, when it works, I think the outcome is a stroke of genius.”

The grin on Mckay’s face competed with the sun.

“However,” and it was a very serious, ‘however’. “Aren’t you forgetting about something?”

Mckay looked at the device, went through the plan once more in his head and then frowned. “No…”

“What about us, Rodney? We’re all still going to die, including you.”

“I ah -” Rodney did the math quickly. “I hadn’t thought of it that way…”

“Whichever way you choose to sell it, we’ve still got to wait out the ten thousand years until Colonel Sheppard gets your helpful information.”

“Technically, he should be well on his way in doing that right now.”

“Not for us.”

“What? It doesn’t matter, it’s not like we’re going to remember…” Mckay paused, as if considering something. “Oh,” he deflated visibly, “this is like one of those scifi movies where one time line totally vanishes from existence for the good of the main one. Bugger!” Mckay looked at the device, and then back to Sam. “I’m the unimportant alternate Rodney! This means I’m going to actually die, doesn’t it?”

“It’s taken you forty years to work out that you’re going to die?”

“Ha ha… Not existing is different to dying.”

Sam shrugged. “I have a feeling it’s happened to me before.”

Mckay raised his eyebrow and Sam nodded. “Yeah, my too,” he admitted finally. “I just never thought that I’d be the one doing the ‘not existing’ bit.”

“Non-existent or not, you’ve still got work to do.”

“We actually,” Mckay rubbed the grime off the interface section of the device with his sleeve. “I need help with your backward holographic memory display algorithms.”

“Backward?”

“Yes, it seems they’re too obscure for Zelenka so…”

Sam rolled her eyes. “Right, well – I’ll inform the rest of the expedition that the universe is no longer interested in them and then I’ll clear a hole in my schedule for you.”

“Better make that ‘gaping void’…”

“Will do.”

*~*

“You heard the news?” Zelenka’s breath intook sharply as Dr. Keller redressed his burnt hand. Most of the infirmary was quiet, its patients heavily medicated or busy reading.

Keller shook her head, figuring there was some new gossip about the base that she was not aware of.

“We’re part of an alternate time line,” he said quickly, almost excited. “According to Rodney, when his plan has finished it’ll be as if we never existed.”

Jennifer frowned. “What are you talking about? Maybe I should re-think that painkiller dosage.”

“No, no – I’m fine. Ow.”

“Alternate time line?”

“It’s brilliant really,” continued Zelenka, holding up his now dressed hands. “You see, in this time line the human race is destroyed and Colonel Sheppard is sent ten thousand years into the future. Nothing we can do about that – we’re already totally screwed. Rodney’s going to turn himself into a hologram so that he can send Colonel Sheppard the necessary information to prevent all this from happening, save humanity and set the time line right. The only drawback is that once he fixes the time line, we become obsolete, so to speak.”

Dr. Keller wondered why he seemed so pleased. “That’s awful… How many people know?”

“Mostly everybody.”

“I think I’m going to give the SGC a call, request a couple of psychs.”

“What for?” said the Czech, sliding off the bed and putting on his jacket. Keller simply turned and shook her head in disbelief.

Atlantis – Ten thousand years into the future

Colonel Sheppard sat on a sand ridge, arms spread either side for support with his hands resting in the cool sand beneath the scorching layer. It was a mirage. There was no other possible explanation.

Ahead, the spikes of a ruined city stuck out from the sand. Their bases had been eaten away by wind blown sand and the once beautiful windows scored until opaque. Atlantis was submerged again, almost completely buried below the sand.

“Impossible,” repeated John, taking his sun glasses off. The glare was powerful, ripping through his retinas until he was forced to block it out again. He should have gone back to the Stargate. Something drastic had gone wrong with the journey, Rodney would know. With no other option, he slid down the sand, unable to stand on its steep decline.

*~*

With the last of his water gone, Colonel Sheppard navigated the final slope of sand. He landed on the watch tower at the East Peer and managed to stop himself before falling off its roof and plunging the several hundred metres to wharf.

Finding the man hole where the dune met the roof, he pried it open and lowered himself into it. He felt the cold air first. Dry, cold, stale air. Beneath his feet he found a thick layer of mummified sea grass that powderised as he walked over it. The city must have sunk before the dunes rolled in meaning that whatever happened, happened a long time ago.

The banisters to the service transporter were coated by ancient molluscs – long dead. Their hard, white shells snapped of as he ran his hands over them, plummeting the four floors to the Seaman’s level. They too became dust, plastered like spider lilies across the tiles.

The transporter was dead. Colonel Sheppard had expected as much. The corridors themselves were dark wherever the windows were covered by sand, forcing him to burn battery light with his travel torch.

As he passed through the East Pier’s interior, John checked as many of the rooms as he could. A lot of them were locked, their doors sealed tight with cement-like residue. A few he managed to pry open. Their contents were disappointing. Decomposed furniture littered their floors and occasionally they were filled with broken equipment, toppled and damaged beyond repair. So far, he had seen no sign of Earth technology, but he allowed for the fact that its presence would be unlikely in this part of the city.

Colonel Sheppard travelled through the city, rather than over it. He had trouble navigating several of the more narrow passageways as they were filled with coral growths. There were times when he was forced to shoot his way through, coughing as the calcium rich dust showered him.

He had been in the city for several hours now, and was yet to see any sign of life. There were no messages etched onto the walls, or skeletal bodies for him to bury. Atlantis was simply deserted.

Chapter Two: A Job To Do

Ronan shook his heavy dread locks. “I don’t get it,” he said, barely noticing Keller’s light hands stitching up his forearm.

“Neither do I really,” she replied, trying to be gentle with a stitch that was determined to stick. “I’m only repeating what Zelenka told me.”

“You got to pull it harder,” instructed Ronan, grabbing the thread and yanking it through his skin. “I exist…” said the Satedan, finally. “How can we not exist?”

“Apparently we won’t exist – but we do now… I guess it’s a time paradox thing, I don’t know. Physics was never really my strong point.”

“Well doc, if you don’t understand, I don’t know how you expect me to.”

“You mean, you’re fine with this?”

“I still don’t get what I’m supposed to be ‘not fine’ about.” Ronan swivelled on the bed and rolled up his leather pants so that Dr. Keller could attend to the gaping wound dripping all over her floor.

“Sparing accident?”

“Heavy box. Colonel Carter made me help transport some new science equipment.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“Ronan paused for a moment, enjoying the doc’s smile before he said, “This one’s a sparing accident.” He took off his shirt carefully to show a gash across his chest where a combat knife had sliced through his flesh.

Keller could not help but note that it looked dramatically worse than his noble injury, but she patched it all the same.

*~*

“Rodney, you have got to do something. Rumours are running through this place like lightening down energy conduits. You’re going to have to give a speech – tell them what’s going on.” Carter folded her arms sternly across her chest. Her hair looked unkept and the veins in her eyes had started to run red. An untouched cup of coffee was busy creating a watermark on a pile of complex notes. Next to it, Rodney spied a half eaten energy bar – apparently unwanted.

“What? No… I got like F-minus in public speaking.”

“Don’t eat that Rodney,” she wrestled her lunch away from him, but handed it back when she saw a fresh bite mark. “And you can’t get an F-minus in anything.”

“Sam, seriously, I’m rubbish at this sort of thing. I”d probably drive people to suicide.”

Colonel Carter considered this, admitting that there was some truth in that statement. “Well then you’re going to have to explain it better to me so that I can give your speech.”

“Rodney was already half way out the door. “But I’m busy saving the alternate me…”

“Rodney!”

“Okay, okay.”

*~*

For the first time since the expedition had arrived in Atlantis four years ago, all of its inhabitants squeezed themselves into the embarkation area, waiting for their boss to appear on the balcony.

Colonel Carter was seated at her desk, about to stand up. She shuffled a few hand written notes as she talked with the head scientist, Dr. Rodney Mckay. Something was drastically wrong, this much the general population had been able to work out. Though their hastily created rumours leapt from supermassive black holes to a calamity on Earth, very few had guessed the truth.

Dr. Zelenka stood on the balcony, trying in vain to hush the restless crowd. Lorne, strangely distant beside him, stared out the window at the ocean. It was a calm view, peaceful even. The water was blissfully unaware of its new status as ’soon to be non-existent’. Major Lorne wished he was the water.

“You’re not nervous?” whispered the Czech, clutching the railing. “Major?”

“Me?” started Lorne, suddenly hearing the scientist.

“You don’t look nervous.”

“Why would I be nervous?” he replied, readjusting his P90. “I’m fucking terrified.”

Zelenka looked hesitantly at the crowd, “You don’t think…”

“No,” he smiled, also examining the frightened faces below. “I mean, this whole thing is just so weird. I don’t know what to think.”

“Perhaps it best not to think at all.”

“Perhaps you’re right,” smiled Lorne, stepping away. Dr. Mckay had just exited the Colonel’s office with a drawn look on his face. “Think it’s show time Radek,” he said quietly.

Zelenka nodded, and yelled at the crowd again. A second later Colonel Carter was beside him, nudging him aside with a nervous smile. The crowd hushed instantly, and suddenly the ocean could be heard lapping gently against the city.

Sam’s hands persisted to shake, so she held onto the railing to mask their movement. The tone of her voice she could not control. Its first notes were hesitant, almost lost in the silence.

“I’m not sure how to tell you this, so I’m just going to go right ahead and say it.” She glanced down at her notes, but the moment she tried to read them the words disappeared in a shaky blur. With a quick glance to the Stargate behind – the instrument that had set into motion all the important events in her life, she continued. “We are all part of an alternate time line, one in which humanity has no future. Events that cannot be undone have given us no choice in this matter. Believe me when I say that we therefore had no choice but to implement this line of action.”

The crowd turned to each other, whispering. Zelenka raised his hands and they quietened.

“Just under eight hours ago,” Colonel Carter continued, “a time distortion device we attached to an offworld gate sent Colonel John Sheppard ten thousand years into the future. For reasons that I will write down for you in full, this was the smallest leap we were able to achieve with our current level of technology. We did this – without his knowledge, so that we could leave a message for him in the future containing the information he needs to save our past.

“We have an unknown amount of time to help him. It could be a day, it might be a decade but when he completes his mission he will fix this time line and our actions here will be little more than a dream, remembered only by him. Difficult as it is to grasp, time will reset without us. We will not remember what is done here, but what we do will save every life, including our own.

“Our enemies are in control of a weapon of unimaginable power. It is partly our own fault, as it is a weapon we had the chance to destroy many years back but chose not to for fear of our aggressors.” Privately, Sam knew that part of the blame rested securely on her own shoulders – had she only insisted the machine be destroyed after its use on the Ori, this never could have happened. “They will use it against us, but we do not know when. We must help Colonel Sheppard stop this from happening – to do this, we must find out exactly what transpired so that he can correct our mistakes.

“I’m sure you have questions, and I’ll do my best to answer them. Each person will be given time alone with someone trained in this area of physics so that you can understand what is happening. As for what you do now, go about your lives. There is a lot of death on the horizon, but we do not have time to grieve. All of its sadness will be undone, so I need you all to focus, and do your jobs. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Atlantis – 10 000 years in the future

On his way to the central tower, Colonel Sheppard passed through an impressive stretch of corridor spanning the gap between buildings. It was lined with windows on both sides. To his left was a stunning view of an endless desert caught in an impossibly slow ocean of waves. On the right, tonnes of sand particles were compressed onto the glass, cracking it in places. IF he was very lucky, the structure would remain steady until he reached the other side.

The corridor met the Control Tower on the eighth level. John didn’t know what he had been expecting, but whatever it was, he didn’t find it. The level was as empty as the outer city, though better preserved. There were no remnants of the ocean or badly damaged rooms. In fact, most of the doors he tested slid open easily enough to reveal more of the same nothingness.

With no real plan, he made his way to the gate room. Climbing the many staircases became a struggle and not even the cool darkness of the sealed shaft stopped the sweat from soaking his clothing.

Finally at the top, John pried the door to the tower level open and fell to the ground panting. That wasn’t very smart, he told himself firmly. If he continued on liek this, he’d die of dehydration before the sun set. In which case we should probably get moving.

John nodded to himself, and slowly stood up.

Laptops, dozens of them – were scattered over the floor and on the Atlantian equipment. Some of them were broken, others looked fine.

Sheppard made his way over to one sitting on the floor. It looked intact so he knelt down and swept a fine layer of dust off its lid. The grey substance stuck persistently to his hands as if it were electrostatically charged. he tried rubbing it off on his shirt, but most of it mixed with his sweat and formed an unpleasant residue.

Ignoring it, John opened the laptop and pressed the power button. It was an insanely long shot, but the little ocmputer beeped into life and began boot up protocol. Not daring to move it, John made himself comfortable on the floor.

After an agonising wait, it displayed a login screen.

Shit… It wanted a login name and password. John searched the computer for any identifying marks. If he knew who’s it was… “Tammin Chi,” grinned John, running his finger over a faded label on the edge on the laptop. “Easy…”

Sheppard typed in, ‘chitsga3041′ and Gr3353LighT1n6′ and the computer happily began loading the desktop.

ERROR – COMPUTER SHUT DOWN INCORRECTLY Would you like to resume your session?

John rolled his eyes. ‘YES’

Atlantis – 10 000 years ago

“Wake up Rodney.”

Tammin entered Rodney’s lab, prodding him and the other dozen or so scientists curled up in corners asleep.

“But I want to sleep,” he mumbled into his sleeve.

“I know,” she replied, removing someone else’s paperwork from her section of the desk. “That’s why I’m waking you up, to tell you to go to bed.”

“That’s just cruel,” he yawned, before falling sound asleep.

“Rodney,” she poked him significantly harder, causing him to yelp. “You’re in my chair.” A loud snore echoed through the lab. “Whatever…” she sighed, sniffing a flask of coffee.

Hurried feet and a quick knock at the lab door snapped her attention away from the complex proof. “Major?” she queried, seeing his concerned expression.

“Message from Colonel Carter to Dr. Mckay,” he started in between heavy breaths.

Tammin turned around and managed to wake Rodney.

“What is it?” he said, sitting up.

“Dr. Mckay, Colonel Carter asked me to bring you this.” Major Lorne stepped quickly into the lab and handed Mckay a portable electronic device.

Rodney tapped the screen a few times and then stopped breathing.

“Rodney?” Tammin watched him nervously. “Rodney what is it?”

TBC

Title: You Love Me

By: ellymelly

Rated: T

Pairing: Sam/Mckay

Summary: Mckay wants something.

“We have a lot of things in common. No really, you’re cute, I’m most certainly cute…”

Colonel Samantha Carter rolled her eyes at the annoying object examining various items in her lab.

“What’s this?” he said, plucking a very delicate alien hover device from the air. “Oh, I think it’s broken.” It made an unhealthy cracking noise as he put it on the table, “Definitely broken.”

Unable to halt her experiment, Sam was forced to let the other scientist pace about. Speaking would only encourage his efforts so she repressed the urge to murder him, smiling instead as Mckay squatted to inspect her brand new Naquada reactor. She was proud of that generator, loved it even.

“You shouldn’t keep these on the floor, very bad.” Brushing his fingers lightly across the metallic casing, he accidently pushed one of the warning buttons. Sam’s experiment, which was hooked up to the reactor, went dead immediately. “See, they don’t like the floor. In Atlantis I put them on their own little tables you know, with warning signs. You can never be too careful with Sheppard-like entities roaming about. They touch stuff – break stuff. I find it very annoying and personally I won’t tolerate them in my lab.”

Carter sympathised, grinding her teeth.

“Wow, that’s cool!” He crawled across to an old box hidden beside the circuit board. “Powerboards,” he held one up, “I need powerboards. We didn’t take nearly enough of them to Atlantis and you know, the galactic centre doesn’t really take electronic orders so, can I take these? Excellent.”

Sam had not actually had a chance to reply, but theft of old powerboards was far short of the potential damage a ‘Rodney’ could do.

“So yes, you’re very cute.” He hauled himself back to his feet, dusting the non-existent dust of his hands. “Very cute and…” Mckay looked around the room, then finally at Sam who was removing her protective gloves now that her experiment was wrecked, “and smart.” He seemed pleased with the word choice. “Your hair is ah – nice. This outfit is,” Rodney thrust his hands forward as he gave her the once over. In truth, Samantha Carter was clad in a heavy metal apron smeared with grease, but it was too late for Rodney to back out of the comment, “is unique and a – solid statement.”

Sam placed her hands firmly on her hips.

“So, now that we’ve established that I think you are, uh…”

“Mckay, if you want to borrow my lab, just ASK.”

Mckay squirmed uncomfortably. “It’s not like I need it or anything.”

“Of course not.”

“My lab in Atlantis is FAR superior to this quaint Earthy set up you have going.”

Sam just nodded.

“Still,” Mckay backed away a little, “it could be advantageous to lend it to me for a short hour or week as it may be.”

Carter shook her head, but said, “Fine.”

“Fine is yes?”

“Yes,” said Sam sternly, “is, don’t push your luck, don’t break anything else, don’t nick my stuff, don’t read my journal, and don’t kill yourself.”

Mckay grinned ear to ear at the last bit. “Because you love me,” he announced proudly.

“In an alternate universe,” she reminded him sharply. Not that he seemed to care. “Now flatter like you mean it or I’m giving the lab to Felger.”

Title: Superiorly De-evolved Being
By: ellymelly
Rated: T
Pairing: Sam/Mckay
Summary: You can’t be perfect at everything.

Title: Plotting
By: ellymelly
Rated: PG
Fandom: Atlantis
Summary: Time’s a ticking for the betting pool and nobody wants to lose.

Night was setting over Atlantis again and everything seemed oddly quiet. It was approaching that time when the deep blue of the day faded into a star studded dusk, the streak of galaxy not yet visible above the purple hues. Rodney leant on the railing of the control balcony letting the evening breezes play with hair he had long since given up trying to train. It was supposed to be Christmas, or so his watch said. Eleven forty-six, twenty-fourth of December, in fact – now he thought about it Christmas was nearly over. There was a going to be a celebration but it was decided to postpone Christmas until winter when the snows drifted in and turned Atlantis into an ice city. Rodney didn’t mind this, it would be a beautiful Christmas, besides, it always seemed more special with snow – he wasn’t quite sure why but it just did.
“McKay.” It was Elizabeth’s voice that broke the eerie silence. Rodney sighed and tapped his head set.
“Yes ‘Lizbeth.”
“Can you come into the control room – things have started blinking for no reason.”
“Sure.” Why not? He couldn’t have things blinking in his city without excuse now could he? He tapped his head set back off and pulled himself away from the edge taking in the last warm breaths of air before plunging himself into what was inevitably going to be chaos.
Inside the air was scented with a fragrance similar to pine, Rodney examined one of the new indoor plants from the mainland, it was the likely culprit. Someone behind him sneezed, Rodney, on automatic pilot, commented. “Bless you.”
“Zank you.” he turned to find Zelenka. He could have sworn he wasn’t there before. “I zupppose Weir called you to come zee.”
“You sound surprised – and oddly happy…”
“No, not at all. Lead ze way.” Rodney was more than a little concerned about the large grin making its way across Zelenka’s face, the good Czech didn’t smile like that for no reason… Unable to decipher the scientist’s expression, Rodney reluctantly led the way to the control room not hearing the muffled laughter from the group of people on the common table.

“Put me down for twenty more and throw in a packet of m&m’s for good measure.” Sheppard grinned and threw in the bag of chocolate much to the shock and delight of the others.
“A little over confident, aren’t we Major?”
“No Ford, I’m just showing the proper confidence in fate.”
“Oh please!” said the Scot, throwing more money on the table, “since when do yo’ believe in fate?”
“Since now. Besides, you’re not exactly holding back there either.” Major Sheppard looked at the pile of money and condiments now sitting in the centre of their table – the bet had only been going for four months but they had quite a stash. The winner was going to be a very happy camper indeed.
“I’m basing my estimation’s on careful observation.” Carson added, grinning back over the scene in front of him. Yes, two more months, that’d be about right. Rodney was such a wimp – well, that’s what he was counting on.
“John, if I was to place this unopened bag of roasted coffee beans on the pile would you fly me over to the mainland?”
“Teyla!” Said Carson hastily, looking at the glow in Sheppard’s face, “I think that would be an unwise trade.”
“Unwise?”
“The coffee is worth much more than that. Trust me.”
Telya considered this. “The offer is withdrawn.”
“Carson! Why’d you do that?” Sheppard looked less than impressed with the doctor, he’d lost that bag to Teyla in a bet last month and really wanted it back. More so because he won it from Rodney and wanted to use it as leverage, it seemed almost fitting that it be involved in a bet involving him.
“Because I’m going for brownie points.”
“Right. You just went down five or six million in my books.”
“Brownie points?” said Teyla quizzically.
“Never’ mind lass.”
Sheppard wisely decided to shift the subject away from his recent loss. “Ford – you know you’re clock’s ticking down…”
“No it’s not.”
“Four hours son, I’d call that a short ticking down.” Beckett smiled. He was going to win. McKay’s raised voice filled the dome shaped room causing everyone to avert their attention. McKay was yelling at everyone in a six meter radius – that included Elizabeth. Ford swore. Everyone else at the table broke into laughter.
“What a waste of cookie mix.” Ford couldn’t believe he was going to lose. How was he supposed to know that it would take this long? It was supposed to be Christmas! “Stupid McKayness.”
“Tha’ wasn’ a word.”
“Go away.” Everyone else broke into harder laughter.

“What did you touch?!” The smallish gate technician went white at McKay’s tone.
“N-n-nothing. I was jus-”
“TOUCHING THINGS!”
“No! I swear.”
“Rodney.” Elizabeth, though amused, decided she needed that gate technician – preferably alive. “Calm down.”
“I AM CALM.” Rodney paused realizing he was screaming at Elizabeth. “Sorry, I’m calm.”
“Better.”
Rodney breathed and tried again. “What were you doing before this happened?”
Elizabeth grinned happily. Much better way of asking the question.
“I was just sitting here talking to Sunders when this key started to flash, and I – I –”
“You what?” he hissed.
The technician looked worriedly over to Weir. She smiled, “It’s okay, he won’t bite – I promise.” The technician glanced from her to Rodney and wondered how she intended on keeping that promise.
“I –” he began nervously.
“Yes…” prompted Rodney.
“Touched it…”
McKay threw the papers in his hand up over his head unable to comprehend the lesser mortals which seemed to surround him. “Why do I bother!” The gate technician whimpered and retreated.
Elizabeth ducked as the papers scattered across the room. “Rodney.” She said sternly to her senior scientist who was currently in danger of biting.
“Why do people always have to TOUCH THINGS!”
“You touch things!” giving back as good as she got.
“Yes but I fix what I break.” Elizabeth glared remembering the event just last week. “Usually.”
“Yes exactly!”
“What is that supposed to mean!” They had gotten themselves into another full scale argument; Elizabeth was the only one to hold ground with Rodney and the only one – except maybe Samantha Carter, who could get the better of him.
“Rodney.” she’d flicked effortlessly from fierce to feminine, there was nothing more effective when dealing with Dr. McKay and she knew it.
“What?”
“Please fix whatever is wrong. I’ll smuggle some coffee if you do.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course.” Signed, sealed and delivered…
“Well, I guess I could take a look at it.” Elizabeth smiled, Rodney smiled back – Zelenka who’d been hiding in the background rolled his eyes and returned to the table.

“You may be in luck Lieutenant Ford.” said Zelenka as he glid into the spare seat throwing a small packet of chips on the pile.
“In luck?” Ford raised his eyebrows, confused as how he could ever possibly be ‘in luck’.
“Yes, zat’s what I said.”
“Weren’t they just fighting again?”
“Have enuther look.” Everyone of course turned to see the two doctors gazing happily at each other as Elizabeth handed Rodney’s papers to him.
“Booyeah!”
“Don’t get too excited, you’re timer’s down to three hours and fifty-six minutes.”
“P-l-e-n-t-y of time Sheppard.” Sheppard took another look at the pair who had just broken their gaze. McKay had to wait three weeks and John wasn’t beyond locking him somewhere to ensure victory. Besides, think how pleased Elizabeth would be when she found him, yes, that would work, all he’d needed wa-“
“Major?” It appeared the whole table was staring at the Major who’d tuned out.
“You’re plottin’ aren’ you.”
“No Carson, I wasn’t. Why would you think such a thing?”
“You’ve got tha’ look…”
“What look?”
“THAT look.”
“No look!” He shrugged and quietly lowered his evil eyebrow hoping no one would notice. Carson was not so convinced but it did get him thinking. Ford had gone quiet as well – something was defiantly up at the betting table all for the mention of one little word…

Title: Jelly
by: ellymelly
rated: G
pairing: Katie Brown/Rodney mckay and implied Sam/Rodney
Spoilers: Season 4 quarantine
Summary: Mckay seeks a little advice.

BLUE JELLY

Colonel Samantha Carter carefully applied a gentle force to her spoon. The stainless steel cut smoothly through the bright blue gelatine, quivering slightly as she lifted it from the glass for examination. Sam dropped her head down to look through the mound of jelly which threatened to topple onto the not-so-clean tabletop. The world beyond was a fuzzy, underwater playground. People hummed by in schools muttering things to each other, several delicate machines flashed synchronously along the food hall wall, and past the lunch room mayhem was a perfect view of the Atlantian city.

The weather on this planet was pleasant, choosing to sit at a mild summer temperature since they had arrived. Dr. Zelenka assured her that this would change come the winter, but by then a change would be welcome. Sam could think of nothing better than snowflakes wafting over the ocean and ice cascading off the roofs of Ancient buildings.

Sam quickly sat up, lowering her spoon. A grading voice had entered the room behind her and was busy tearing strips off the poor souls that had entered with it.

*~*~*

“…no, no, no! Your job is to watch, not touch. Most certainly not touch. Touching is a thing best left to the experts. Would all the experts please raise their hands? Well that seems to – put your hand down Groiden! As I said, no one touches the Ancient device but me. Can I hear four ‘yes Dr. Mckay’s’ please?”

A disgruntled group of scientists nodded first, then managed a quiet, ‘yes Dr. Mckay’. Dr. Meredith Mckay, who preferred to go by ‘Rodney’ for various unknown and potentially embarrassing reasons, seemed to be satisfied. He released his entourage into the wild and looked about the room.

Sadly, it was devoid of his favourite carbon units. They were the ones that would let him sit opposite and listen in on Atlantian gossip. Oddly, they had all but disappeared after he won a sizable bet against them concerning Major Lorne. He was yet to collect on said bet and was anxious to purchase tickets to the base wide, ‘Milkyway vs Pegasus Sparring Championship’. It was all very hush-hush, and the tickets especially difficult to get a hold of.

Hungry and tired of standing, he scanned the seething mass of humans for members of his team but all the tables were full, and none of them occupied by people he knew well enough to interrupt. Frowning, he let out a quiet, ‘hmm’ and moved over to the sizable lunch line. He instantly recoiled at the overpowering smell of citrus.

After some time leaning against the wall as the line shuffled forward, Mckay reached the servery. Browsing over the lunch options he noted a disturbing trend.

“Listen,” said Mckay in a sour mood, “I’m mortally allergic to citrus. What is that?” Rodney pointed to a congealed stew.

“Orange beef,” replied the young sever.

Mckay withdrew his pointing finger to a safe distance. “Oh,” he said, craning his neck to see around a rather stocky marine in front of him. “I’ll just have whatever that is then,” he finished, pointing to the only other option. He knew he should have come to lunch earlier, all the good stuff was gone. “Does it have citrus in it?”

The line behind Mckay shifted in frustration.

“It’s lemon chicken.”

*~*~*

In the middle of a mouthful, Sam’s peaceful lunch was interrupted yet again by the scathing dialogue behind her. Daniel Jackson had been right about Atlantis. ‘Beautiful’ he had said to her before she left. ‘Great views, exotic food, spacious rooms, walls and walls of knowledge, and a very irritating Mckay in the background.’

Sam sneaked a look at the self proclaimed genius. He was currently berating the lunch servery and apparently unaware of the military men in line behind him mentally locating their weapons and weighing up the pros and cons of court martial. Despite herself, she smiled.

*~*~*

With a sadly bare tray, Mckay progressed to the dessert area. A few distasteful flour-based items clustered around the bottom levels of the glass cabinet, drowning under various layers of cream. It was the top shelf and its brightly coloured condiments that interested him.

Jelly – there was no better food for someone waltzing around the edge of a hyperglycaemic reaction.

Rodney Mckay hated green jelly – it reminded him of limes. Red was risky, he had never been a fan of that food dye, besides, hadn’t it been on the possibly harmful chemical list last year? He was sure he remembered something about red dye being linked to diminished manhood. Orange was a no-no and he couldn’t even speak about yellow.

The only jelly he would eat was –

“Oh no…” Mckay dipped his head and rocked it from side to side, trying to see behind the displeasing items in front. “That is just so unfair.”

*~*~*

Sam flipped over to the last page of her report and scribbled a few notes at the end of it. She had been here for several months and still she could not get comfortable with the electronic displays that she was supposed to use for this job. As a technical person, this was considered very odd behaviour but for Sam, the tactile sense of paper reminded her of Earth.

A pleasant breeze drifted in through the open window followed by distant laughter. There were children swimming off the East Pier, splashing about in the ocean. It was getting toward the late afternoon and very soon a large contingent of amateur fishermen would line the wall off the landing bay, dangling their feet over the edge with the waves lapping ten foot underneath. She wanted to join them but being in charge meant just that – no breaks.

*~*~*

Taking his pitiful tray of burnt toast, water and a suspicious nut-embedded slice, Mckay located the only empty chair. Oh well, he thought, I’ll just have to suffer them.

Almost throwing his tray at the table, Mckay made a noisy arrival. “Urm,” he grunted, without looking up. Mckay bent forward to sniff the toast. The blackened object was surrounded by a light peppering of ash and glistened with melted butter. The smell of charcoal was quite overpowering, so he waved his hand across it, fanning away the offending fragrance.

On the verge of his first, hesitant bite, a glowing beacon of blue slid into his vision. Sitting in front of him was a treasure he had dreamed of since four am – a full glass of blue jelly. Mckay quickly wiped the corner of his mouth where a small trickle started to form.

Without thinking, he discarded the toast and pulled the jelly towards him. Taking a spoon that appeared, he woofed down a few mouthfuls of cool joy. “Mmm…” he said, dipping his spoon in for another helping.

“Happy Birthday Mckay.”

Rodney paused, mid-gobble. Sitting across from him was his boss and current fantasy of choice when facing certain death with time to spare. “Sam?”

Samantha Carter shrugged, “Zelenka said you were working late, so I saved you some.”

The paranoid portion of Rodney’s brain was busy calculating the likelihood of this being a joke at his expense set up in retribution for his previous betting victory. “Uh…” he started, forgetting that his spoon was dangling in the air. “It’s my birthday?” It was the only rational thing he could come up with.

Sam nodded, “Zelenka told me that as well.”

His birthday? Since when?

“Relatively speaking of course,” continued Sam, tapping her spoon against the side of her own jelly container. “Adding up the amount of time you have spent travelling at sub-light speed, in close proximity to black holes, out of phase, locked in time bubbles and deducting the few hours of conscious absence during your frequent near death experiences, today is your actual birthday.”

Mckay blinked, lowering his spoon. “So you bought me jelly?”

“No,” she replied quickly, sliding two small rectangular pieces of paper from the pouch in her clipboard.

Mckay watched as she nudged the objects in his direction. They were tickets to the infamous Milkyway vs Pegasus showdown next Thursday night. She was not supposed to know about that.

“See you there,” she whispered, quickly rising from the table. In a sweep of the hand, Sam gathered her things and disappeared into the lunch crowd leaving Mckay stunned.

“Good, good,” he stuttered finally when his lungs remembered to breathe. Mckay had just enough time to stash the tickets in his jacket pocket before another individual reluctantly took up seating opposite him. Mckay’s confused look evolved into a scowl as the sordid smell of lemon chicken wafted in his direction.

GREEN JELLY

Ferns draped down from the ceiling in a great curtain of green. Amongst this sharp veil were thousands of tiny gaps where the artificial lighting of the lab managed to peak through. Rodney ducked under a particularly long limb which brushed across the top of his head, spiking him in the ear. Rubbing the sore spot, Rodney forgot to look in front of him and smacked straight into an ill placed Atlantian pillar.

“Oww…” he cursed, bringing his hands to his face. Rodney felt dizzy from the enormous oxygen content which was not surprising considering the sheer volume of plant life crammed into the eight by eight metre room. It was a light feeling, almost like floating across the ground with an earth shattering headache.

Determined, he pushed forward, parting the jungle flora with his hands. Unbeknownst to him, the occasional spider slid down its silvery web and landed on Rodney’s light cotton shirt. Once attached, the spider would set to work scouting out the human landscape for the best possible location to set up shop.

Feeling a tickle behind his neck, Rodney ran a hand over his moist skin. The humidity was awful, almost drowning. Yelping in horror, he removed the scruffy brown spider.

“Who would ever do this voluntarily!” Rodney muttered his way through the jungle-like lab.

Just ahead, a tuft of brown hair peaked out from behind a rather spiky plant protruding from the wall. Its root system ran deep with several other spiny appendages poking out further up the wall. “I would,” said a sweet voice, peeling a leaf off Rodney’s shoulder as he emerged.

“Katie – ah, hi.” Rodney raised his hands in embarrassment then banished them to his pockets. “You look – well.”

Katie nodded encouragingly, hoping that Rodney would have the strength to continue whatever it was he came to say.

It took the socially challenged scientist a while, but eventually he managed to ask the very excited Katie out to dinner on the Peer. A sort of ‘picnic’ affair and hopefully as romantic as it sounded. Excruciatingly pleased with himself, Dr. Rodney Mckay decided that he needed food – immediately.

Rolling his eyes at the lack of blue on his favourite servery, Mckay took his beef stew and narrowly avoided a collision with Major Lorne as he hurried off to meet the newest Athosian. It was sweet, in a way, and it was made more so by his bet winnings.

“Kay!” exclaimed a little piggy-tailed girl from the other side of the room. She was no more than three foot tall and 4.3 years old, but she had a voice on her that could piece through lead shielding. At the highest speed attainable, she extended her arms to their full wingspan, and collided with Mckay’s knees.

Mckay’s beef stew coated the food tray as he stumbled backwards with the impact. Looking down, he saw that a small child had latched onto his legs. “Hello there, small child,” he managed with moderately pleasant tone. The girl looked up at him with enormous eyes until Mckay clicked his fingers. “Present, right…” He fumbled through his pocket with his free hand until he found a half used pen. Presenting it, the child released him from her grip and snatched up the pen. Seconds later she had vanished back into the lunch room crowd. Rodney frowned at his lunch tray, submerged in a brownish stew.

“Cute…”

Rodney looked around the room for the voice until he realised it was in his ear. “Headset,” he muttered, before clicking it on. “Hello… who was that?”

“Your fantasy,” replied his headset much to Rodney’s horror. “At least,” it continued, “so I’ve been told.”

Mckay whirled around, scanning the room for anyone acting suspiciously. It wasn’t until he extended his search field to the balcony that he saw a figure wave back. Deciding that he could do without the stew, (as he was most likely about to become one), Rodney set his tray down on a random table and stepped onto the balcony.

Samantha Carter nodded, then turned back to look out toward the ocean. She was starting to make a habit of spending her free time staring into the restless waves, and Rodney was on the verge of noticing.

“Might have guessed,” he said, leaning beside her on the railing.

“I don’t encourage her as much as you think, Rodney. She’s latched onto more than your knees.”

Rodney half smiled, “But I’m terrible with kids. She should latch onto Zelenka.”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know what we’re going to do with them. They can’t stay here,” said Sam sadly, watching a few stragglers explore the deserted Atlantian streets. “Since you’ve destroyed their planet they’ve got nowhere else to go.”

Rodney’s ear twitched. “Their parents destroyed the planet, I simply couldn’t prevent it from happening! Besides, why can’t we keep them?”

Sam turned to stare at him. “Was that compassion?”

“No!” he pouted. “Even with my intergalactic gateway, we couldn’t let them all come to Earth. They’re a security risk, and with the Wraith back on the hunt, Pegasus is hardly child friendly.”

“Our intergalactic gateway,” she corrected, with a sharp poke to his arm.

“Yes, yes. Details.”

“Vital ones…”

They went quiet for a moment, Rodney slowly settling his gaze back onto the city. It was different now, between them. Comfortable almost. It was strange, Rodney could not remember having many female friends. There was his sister, but Jeanie was obligated by genetics to speak to him and Teyla was part of his team. Even then, he could never quite settle around her. Other than that, there was Katie Brown – and it was well beyond him why she hung about.

“Do you still despise me?” asked Rodney so suddenly that Carter startled. “I mean, I know we started off really badly – mostly your fault, but do you said once that you hated me, and I just wanted to – check…”

“I think we’ll be just fine, Mckay.”

“Because sometimes,” continued Rodney, in a rare moment of truth, “you feel like the only person who ever really ‘got’ me.”

Sam shifted uncomfortably, not used to this side of Mckay. She felt vulnerable for him, and found it hard not to place a hand on his shoulder to calm him.

“This is really difficult,” he muttered, deciding that this was the opportune moment, “but I really need to ask you an important question.”

Before Samantha Carter had a chance to respond, Rodney presented a suspiciously small black box. “Rodney…” she stammered, not sure what to think or what she felt.

He opened it, and a diamond glittered back. “Do you,” he stumbled, his eyes glued to her, “do you think she’ll like it?”

‘think she’ll like it…’ Sam thought for a moment.

“John said that it was all about the rock, but I’ve never done this before and I don’t know any other girls to ask. I mean, women.” He was fidgeting with it to such an extent that Sam could hardly see the thing.

“Katie?” said Sam quietly, taking the ring from his shaking hands. He merely nodded and returned his hands to his pockets. She held it up to the sunlight and blinked as the diamond sent a shard of refracted light across her eyes. “I didn’t know you had it in you, Mckay.”

Rodney smiled then flicked his head up, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing…” she replied, snapping the lid shut and handing back the ring. “I think she’s going to love it.”

“But what if she says, ‘no’?”

“Then she says, ‘no’.” Sam repositioned herself on the railing, moving into the shade of a floating beam. Rodney looked like he might snap in half from the permafrost of fear. “Stop fretting,” she instructed, pulling him off the railing. “Any idiot can see she’s smitten – now go get her.”

“But –” pleaded Rodney, looking for excuses that didn’t exist.

“No ‘buts’ Mckay. If you love her, then you better tell her.” Sam managed to nudge the frightened Mckay back into the lunch room and point him in roughly the right direction so that he wouldn’t have to think too much.

Once Rodney had disappeared back into the crowd, Sam went back to surveying the city below. Daniel had jokingly challenged her to visit every building – not surprisingly he was yet to make it out of the first and she had not fared much better. This place must be pretty special to have turned Mckay into something resembling a human being. She wondered what it would do to her.

TBC

Title: Chinese Whispers
By: ellymelly
Pairing: Mcweir
Rated: PG
Summary: These things always get you into trouble!

“So,” Elizabeth did her absolute best to recall correctly the extensive dialogue Sheppard had just given her, “what you’re saying is; Zelenka told Wills, who told Burk who hinted to Morse who suggested to Siler who let slip to Carter who passed it on to Lieutenant Reynolds who then accidentally told Ford who told you that –” she paused for effect, making absolutely sure she was getting it right, “that, Mckay,” again she found herself pointing to the frustrated scientist over by the consol to make sure that they were talking about the same Mckay, “that Mckay,” Sheppard nodded, “has a crush on Cadman.”

“Well,” Sheppard clocked his head to the side a little, “actually, Ford told Teyla who told Carson who told me.”

“Right.” She folded her arms in amusement, “A crush eh?”

“I thought Cadman creeped him out way too much for that to happen.” Elizabeth’s mouth fended off a broad smile.

“This is Mckay we’re talking about. As if one Kirk wasn’t enough. Keep and eye on him.” Sheppard knew better than to ask who the other one was.

“Why?”

“We can’t have our head scientist lying in a ditch because the girl he had a crush on didn’t agree.”

“Right.” Sheppard grinned watching Mckay freak out as another incompetent technician pawed over the consol then move into his defensive stance as Cadman entered. “Make sure she doesn’t kill him, got it.”

*!*

“Di’ you hear?”

“Really? That’s interesting…”

*!*

“Mckay!” Cadman yelled at Rodney who had put as much distance between himself and her as possible. “Get over here and fix this!” Realising his hiding spot at the corner of the room had been compromised, Rodney reluctantly made his way over to the party of military personnel assembled in the corner. The ring leader, of course, being Cadman.

“What now?” he sighed, sick of remedial tasks from lower order creatures. Cadman pointed at the Atlantian sensor on the wall.

“It keeps saying that Lieutenant Hopkins is an Ancient, I’m a Goa’uld and Smith over there is a computer program.” Mckay grinned wickedly. “What? Do you think that it’s funny that the sensor designed to warn us of hostiles in the city is malfunctioning?”

“No, I just think it’s wonderful to finally have one piece of equipment working to its full potential.” Simmens, he thought, it had to be him. Cadman, did not seem to share Rodney’s delight.

“Mckay!”

“Mmm?”

“FIX IT!”

“Yes, my Lord.” Rodney bowed as best he could whilst killing himself laughing.

*!*

“Hey, wait up.” Teyla turned as Ford sprinted down the corridor towards her, still in his full uniform from check in with Earth.

*!*

That day, Elizabeth took to a little stalking to cure her over active curiosity. It’s not that she found it hard to imagine Rodney having a crush on anyone – quite the contrary, it’s just that Rodney always seemed to be a little afraid really, of Cadman. She could only imagine the kind of information she held against him, so it shouldn’t have come as any surprise that as she rounded the corner she was met with the sight of Rodney bowing to Cadman in front of a group of officers. Really good information, thought Elizabeth secretly.

Cadman’s expression went from fuming to cheerful as she spotted Elizabeth at the doorway watching the spectacle of Rodney bowing. When Rodney finally realized why Cadman was absorbed in laughter it was too late, the damage to his ego was irreparable.

“Rodney?” Mckay righted himself quicker than a bolt of lightning.

“Yes ‘lizabeth?”

“Whatcha’ doing?”

*!*

Carter let another wave of laughter take control over her, muttering between gasps, “poor, poor Rodney!”

*!*

“Stupid, disagreeable, ego devouring –” Rodney continued to mumble insults as he stalked down the corridor.

“Talking about yourself again?” He couldn’t believe it, he absolutely could not.

“Cadman…” Cadman, who had been gradually catching up with him, now passed him casually.

“Afternoon Rodney.” She smiled sweetly, knowing how it would send frustration pulsing through his veins. He gritted his teeth and forced himself to reply civilly.

“Afternoon Cadman.”

Sheppard, who happened to be emerging from one of the rooms along the corridor, observed this display of affection and couldn’t help thinking, must be love.

*!*

Siler nearly dropped his wrench, stomach heaving with a mixture of snorts and gasps. Carter stopped at the sight, striding over to where Walter and Siler were semi collapsed.

“He ah,” Siler steadied himself with a deep breath before blurting it out. Immediately Carter dropped her clipboard and fell into hysterics, Walter, regaining enough composure to say, “And I thought it was Cadman!” The latter receiving even more desperate pleas for air.

*!*

Mckay had retreated to his office, desperate to avoid the hushed laughter that seemed to inhabit the city of late. Knowing that somehow he’d been left out of the plague-like joke, each muffled giggle simply annoyed him. If he wasn’t so terrified of running into Cadman, he might just have gone out to discover it and join in. As it was though, he celebrated his brilliant idea of locking himself in his lab.

His peace, as good as it was, was short lived a rap at the door forcing him out of his sanctuary. What he really wanted to do was ignore it, but if it was Zelenka after something, he didn’t want to put him in a bad mood, especially considering that – “Elizabeth!”

She leant cautiously into the room to make sure it was empty before waving at Mckay. “Hi – I’m not, uh,” she cautioned another glance, making absolutely positive that he didn’t have Cadman hiding under a desk, “disturbing you, am I?”

Rodney felt like dying of fright, “Ah, no. Um, not – no.”

“Hmm.” She stood there, waiting to see if one of the cupboards burst open or someone to emerge from the door at the other end of the room.

Rodney became a little desperate, wondering why she was just standing there in his doorway, peering into his lab. “Uh,” he began, “is there anything I can do for you?”

“Mmm? No.” she continued to linger in the doorway, Rodney shifted nervously. “You know,” she finally said, “if someone likes someone, it’s probably a good idea to tell them – that is, before they hear it from someone else.” Rodney stopped breathing, did she know? It seemed very much like she knew! Zelenka must have – but Rodney only remembered being especially nice to Zelenka after he said he would – he wouldn’t have, surely it’s just coincidence… Rodney wasn’t sure what to do.

Elizabeth, feeling that it was only fair she warn Rodney before Cadman found out, felt that she had done her duty – still, she wasn’t yet entirely convinced that he wasn’t harboring her somewhere in there…

Rodney felt an odd surge of courage. “Elizabeth,” he managed, “I – Cadman!”

“Hello Rodney.” Cadman appeared behind Elizabeth who raised her eyebrows several feet, “Can I have a word?”

“Uh –” he looked worriedly at Elizabeth who merely grinned.

“It’s alright Rodney, I’m satisfied.” Satisfied? What did that mean wondered Rodney frantically. As she left, the smirk on Cadman’s face escaped his notice.

*!*

Despite the alarm sounding across the base, Morse continued to whisper, building up to the climax of his great gossip. Siler listened intently.

“But,” protested Siler, the news too good to believe, “how does he know for sure?”

*!*

“How’s the Mckay watch going?” inquired Elizabeth as Sheppard entered the mess.

“Well, she hasn’t killed him yet – but then again, maybe he hasn’t told her yet.”

“You know,” said Elizabeth devilishly, “When I was walking down the corridor I saw him actually bow to her!”

“No!”

“Yes! And then, when I went to his lab, she showed up.”

“When I was out today, I saw them together in the corridor, actually smiling – I haven’t seen Mckay smile at her for a long time!” They congratulated themselves on successful stalking, each believing that neither was the wiser. This was, at least, true of Mckay – Cadman – maybe it was something about being military trained, had noticed.

“Rodney.” Cadman, still standing outside the door of his lab. “We need to talk.” Begrudgingly, he moved aside to let her in.

*!*

Burk and Morse stood in, what they had come to name affectionately, ‘The Foyer’ waiting for the wormhole to engage.

“That’s what he said!”

*!*

“Oh no no no no….” Mckay shook his head frantically before glancing back over to Cadman. “That’s what they think?”

“Afraid so.”

“But –” he looked at Cadman, “how?”

“I was hoping you could tell me.”

*!*

Wills roamed the corridors of Atlantis, looking for any signs of life. A few minutes later, he spotted the stunted appearance of Burk lurking in his lab.

*!*

“So, let me get this straight,” said Rodney to Cadman, “they think that we’re – um.” He couldn’t bring himself to continue.

“No.” she said bluntly, honestly enjoying the situation more than she should, “They said that you have –”

“Rodney.” Mckay all but jumped. He tapped his headset in fright.

“’Lizabeth.”

“Can you meet me in my office?”

“Um,” he gulped, “ok.”

*!*

Zelenka hit his screen for the hundredth time that day. He paused, trying to keep his temper down before confronting the scientist next to him. “Rodney?”

“Everyone.” Muttered the Czech darkly.

*!*

He stood in Dr. Weir’s office; she was behind her desk, calmly flicking through the last of the folders piled to one side. Rodney was positive that by now she knew that it wasn’t Cadman that he had a crush on – what was making him feel like jumping off the balcony was that she might actually know the truth.

“Rodney?”

“Uh – yes?” he stuttered. She looked up, placing the last folder on the pile.

“Is it true you have a crush on Lieutenant Cadman?” he was quite taken aback by the frankness of the statement, leaving him to stumble over his words – terrified that the next statement, produced with all the bluntness of the first, would be, do you have a crush on me? At which point, he would of course faint – no, he corrected himself, pass out.

“Um, no.”

“You sure?”

“Yes – ah – ah, quite sure.” she observed him closely. After a minute or so, she seemed satisfied.

“That’s a relief.”

“It is?” he remarked, a little confused, perhaps a tad hopeful.

“John and I have been tailing you two all week.”

“You have!”

“To make sure she didn’t kill you.”

“Really?” that was possibly the most unusual thing he had ever heard her confess to.

“Mmm. Anyway, now I can go back to just worrying about the usual people threatening to kill you.” Rodney gulped again, shooting paranoid glances at the people outside. “Anyway, now that you’re here, I was wondering if you’d heard –”